What are We Creating?

Last weekend I drove a group of students out to the ferry so they could head out for their Fall Retreat. Aside from my sister, I knew none of the six students in my car, but in those two hours I learned a lot. I did not expect the ride to be anything but awkward silences and whispered conversation. However, I learned about families and facades, Jesus and just showing face. Maybe thinking I was not listening or maybe thinking I did not care, these students talked freely and openly and there were some things I learned along the way about church and what we are creating. This is not what all churches or all Christians are teaching, but somewhere along the way

• A lot of Christianity is about putting on a face, walking into a room and answering "Great, God is good, I am wonderful" to the customary "how are you?". But then we make our way to our seats and wonder if anyone even sees us
• There are somethings that we don't talk about, except to say not to do them- drinking, smoking, drugs, sex, porn, depression, self-destruction, suicide, abuse, eating disorders, poor self-image but do we ever recognize that people struggle with these?
• We are really good, or at least think we are really good, at hiding and pretending.

It has me wondering, what kind of culture are we creating when we don't acknowledge that we all struggle? that we all hurt? that none of us are perfect? that the world is comprised of broken people?

As I was sitting there listening to what some of these students were saying, some sharing their struggles and others offering encouragement it had me thinking that far too often we play with facades and try to tackle the world on our own. Driving down the highway, listening to these students and sharing some thoughts of my own, I began to wonder what would happen to Christianity, to these students, if somebody told them that it is okay to not be okay all the time? Struggles exist; the world isn't perfect. Hard times happen but so do good times. Living a life of solidarity does not have to become your means of hiding, there are people who want to be there, even at the lowest of times. What if instead of hiding behind cliches and Christianisms (may have made that word up, may need to consult Webster) we simply told the truth, even if it is not always pretty and perfect?

After dropping the carload of students off at the ferry, having done a lot of listening throughout the near two hour drive, I was stumped. I wanted to climb on top of my car and shout out "me too." I've struggled. I've had doubts. There have been some really hard days. I've been there but I did not stay there and you don't have to either.

On the drive back to my house, I was simply left wondering- what are we creating?

Peace.

Untitled

I am not quite sure what to say and maybe that is why I have not said anything.

Sunday Letters have not happened in a few weeks and for now I am okay with that.

I am in a place I thought I had left and not in a place where I thought I would be.

I have stories to tell but not in ways that would make sense or make them right. So, for the most part the stories have been left untold and that is probably where they will stay for a long time.

I am finding my way back to who I am and where I need to be but I would lie if I told you that it was easy.

Seeking and finding, refining and reshaping is not a comfortable or easy process.

So be patient with me, I beg of you. Be patient while I find my way back to who I am and who I am meant to be.

Peace.

P.S. I love you.

What Do You Want?

We all want of things, not necessarily selfish things, but we all want something. At the very heart of us we want something. What do you want? Do you want to...

- End world hunger

- Bring clean water in Africa

- Pass the Spanish midterm

- Jump in a pile of leaves

- Eat cereal for dinner

- World peace

- The end of prejudice

- Make a difference

- Write a book

- Finish a book

- Finish a sentence

We spend so much of our lives pursuing what makes us happy, sometimes at the cost of others. There is a funny line, an awkward balance between what makes us happy and what makes other people happy. There will always be those kind of choices in our life, whether we want them or not. But what if what we wanted wasn't about us so much about them?

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what I want, what I want from people, what I from life, what I want from myself, that I forget there are others who are having the same thoughts. I want time and attention and love and to feel valued but I think everyone has those needs as well. But how often do I recognize those needs, those wants, of others? How often do you?

Maybe it is a reminder to myself to remember that sometimes the simplest things mean the most... say thank you, do something without recognition, say I love, make a point to make someone else smile... just do something for someone else.

What do you want?

Would you be willing to set aside what you want? for a minute? for an hour? for a day?

What if what you want is no longer important?

What if what you want was simply to make someone happy?

What would my life look like then?

What would your life look like?

What then?

Peace.

Thursday Letters

*Since Sunday was jammed packed, I did not write Sunday Letters, so today will have to do.

Dear Borders, You are becoming my new boyfriend, or at least my Tennessee boyfriend. Please don't tell BK. Dear Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum, several hours spent with you yesterday proved to be interesting. There were a lot of old artists I had never heard of and several new ones that I now like even more. Dear Books, The ability to lose myself within your words and pages is often times forgotten until I pick you up and dive in once again. Dear You, I can't explain it right now, but thank you. All I can say right now is thank you and I hope that is enough, for now. Dear OTH, You have me wondering if there is magic left in the world. If there is, if there is still magic, then I hope it finds me. Dear Friends in the MO, Lets plan the next reunion soon because I am missing you right now and yesterday and tomorrow.

Peace.